Y'all are probably wondering, after reading a few of the articles on this blog [ed.-Do I even have readers?], who is this John Nauman, guy anyway. Each post he seems to be a different version of himself--which one is the real John Nauman? Well, if you're not wondering it, you should be. I am.
And you know what the answer is? I don't really know who the real me is just quite yet. That's why I'm stuck in this dead end job; that's why I'm not a famous writer just yet. But, hey you know what? I'm 27. And in the month since I've started this blog I've learned more than I ever thought I would know about myself. I tell you what, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to put all kinds of crazy pictures of yourself on the web accompanied by personal stories and invite others to take a look. But I still don't have enough courage to be the ultra-personal guy I am on this web page in real life. It's crazy. I'm a working class wallflower by day, and an internet stripper by night.
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I just keep thinking what would be left of me if I died tomorrow. What would be left of my work? I've been thinking about this ever since the near-fatal car accident I got in about two years ago on the way to my great-grandmother's funeral in Maquoketa. I keep thinking about it to the point of obsession. I get nervous just riding in the passenger seat anymore. It's not death that scares me, but the idea that I will have died with most of my greatest work not even half-finished, but never even started. I really have nothing started. Nothing. Nothing aside from the thoughts inside my head [ed.-And on this "virtual tombstone" called Blogger], which would rest with me forever when I was dead. It's morbid to think about this so much, but it's part of who I am. My naked humanity exposed for all to see.
I keep reminding myself it's my own fault if people don't know the real me, not theirs. I haven't been open enough to share who I am. I need to move my ideas out of my head and into the real world; I need an audience...But I'm getting better one day at a time, letting little pieces, little "secret" characters of my mind escape as I get more comfortable with what I'm doing. Just imagine if I continue on this path, how great I could be in six months, a year, two years, five years, ten years, twenty years....Hell, in twenty years if I've kept this up and grown as I should, it'd be a miracle if I'm not famous. 20 years is a hell of a lot of time to grow--I'd be 47, almost twice as old as I am now. Imagine who I'll be then. Just take it one day at a time. Teach the world what I know. Whew...I'm happier now. See.
Laughing BuddhaBo·dhi·satt·va [boh-duh-suht-vuh]Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)–noun Buddhism.
a person who has attained prajna, or Enlightenment, but who postpones Nirvana in order to help others to attain Enlightenment: individual Bodhisattvas are the subjects of devotion in certain sects and are often represented in painting and sculpture. Compare Arhat.
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006
dəˈsʌtPeace.
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